I’m realising, belatedly, how this space has really taken a backseat.
I’ve been working from 9am to 9pm everyday for the past few weeks and it’s so draining I couldn’t even stay up to watch one episode of anything.
In the midst of feeling stuck in a rut, I’m thankful to know that there are people who’d always have my back.
I prefer not to share too much or too explicitly about my work, because you’d never know who’s reading.
Let’s just say there is always a mixed bag of good and not so good people at work. The latter frustrates me to no end, but I’m learning to focus on the good people I still have around me.
Someone once told me that the “runway” at my current level is very long. I could stay at this level for a very long time, pick up new knowledge and grow to be an expert.
I related the conversation to one of my ex-bosses, who is one of those good people I’m thankful to have reported to and am still in contact with.
I’d described that runway conversation as “interesting” but after listening to me, he said, “Interesting is a neutral word. I want you to use either a positive or a negative word.”
It’s been a good seven or eight years since I reported to him, but I continue to be amazed by how sharp and perceptive he is, often without having to spell things out for me.
He advised me to express exactly how I feel, in my own style, and not allow others to think it’s ok / I’m ok, and not find excuses for others.
I told him the word is “disappointing”, and he said indeed it was disappointing. Even he felt disappointed learning what has been said.
“The runway is long, indeed, it is long for everyone. But people do something on the runway. They either land, or they take off,” he said in his usual deadpan manner.
I laughed. It was the best thing I heard all week.
I’m not sure where this conversation would lead me to, eventually. But it helps, anyway.
Perhaps at the end of the day, most people mean well. But the way they express it might be different. Same with coaching styles. Some coaches ask questions until you figure it out, some coaches tell you the answer and make sure you remember it.
I’ll probably be second-guessing the intentions of certain people all the way, because certain people are just harder to trust.
On the bright side, there are people whom I don’t have to second-guess. Sadly we cannot always be working together, because assignment and people changes are a constant in this company.
I’ve long gotten used to good people leaving the team, but this has been a season of way too many changes. Sometimes it just feels so difficult to trudge on.
These two troopers are coming out of the circuit breaker closer.
After a teary goodbye at the gate on Tuesday when Clarissa returned to school, they had a chat and Allie promised her sister she wouldn’t cry the next day.
Clarissa told everyone in school how Allie cried, and the next day, all the teachers asked the hubs how Allie was coping. 🤣
She also told us how she teared up when she walked past Allie’s classroom which was empty but she saw Allie’s photos pasted on the wall.
I love how “drama” both of them are.
I love watching them.
My father-in-law has been dropping off treats like waffles and cakes for us, and I’d send him photos of the girls eating them.
This was on Wednesday, and the girls really enjoyed the old-school cream cakes.
Yesterday he dropped by again with even more cakes. This time, the “modern” kind of cake.
He really dotes on the girls.
Yet whenever he gets here, he’d like “ok I need to go already” – after staying for barely five minutes. (And this is even before the circuit breaker. 😂)
The hubs bought our parents some fruits last week, and his dad told him not to buy any more because he has all these fruits at home. My mum on the other hand called to say thank you and that the fruits are very sweet.
Both comments, I think, were made out of love. My father-in-law probably didn’t want his son to spend the money or the effort sending the fruits over. My mum wanted her son-in-law to feel happy about making the effort.
We all have different love languages. It’s not always easy to understand but hopefully we all get better with time.
I haven’t been sleeping very well recently. Always dozing off before 11pm and yet waking up at unearthly hours like 3am or 4am.
Sometimes I go to the bathroom, walking past the hubs who is sleeping and snoring away.
I’d told him about it one morning, and he said, “How come you didn’t come and give me a hug?”
I asked him, “Why? You are sleeping?”
“I just think it’s nice? I think you don’t love me,” he said to me in jest.
“Erm, but if I love someone, I’d let him sleep,” I told him. I was laughing but I meant it. “If someone loves me, he’d let me sleep too.”
Of course, how we say it matters, but what we say and what we think our loved ones are saying matter even more.
This thing called “Love”.