Balance

Once again.

I’d originally planned to work from home today since I’m taking an evening flight.

But my calendar kept filling itself up (unlike my bank account wtf) and I ended up with meetings from 9am to 2pm, all of which I had to speak in..

I didn’t want to lock myself in the room for 5 hours with Allie knocking on the door in her very cute voice, so I decided to go to the office for the meetings, head home to shower, finish packing and spend some 10-15 minutes with Allie before I leave for the airport.

This is her, happily playing with my luggage. πŸ˜…

Before this she was clinging onto me while I tried to pack. Her Yaya bribed her with an ice pack so I could take a shower.

After I was done packing, she started pushing and spinning the luggage around.. until I sat down to put on my shoes.

Clingy again.

And then she brawled as her Yaya carried her away from me so I could get out of the house.

I would have to admit that I’ve been well trained by Clarissa, not to cry together with them when they cry like that.

I even find it mildly, just very mildly, amusing.

But it makes me wonder if I’ve made the right decision to pop by at home first, and it also makes me wonder why I’m doing all these crazy rushing and crazy work stuff.

I’d wanted to write about the #WeSeeEqual summit I attended last Friday.

It’s a symposium held jointly by my company and UN Women to promote gender equality.

I love some of the speeches and many of the stories shared by various speakers, in particular, former Australia Prime Minister, Julia Gillard.

She’s eloquent, intelligent and funny, even.

I love how she talked about the bias against female leaders, how the very first new article about her first political visit as Prime minister described what she wore (but no one talked about what the other male official wore, a suit perhaps?), how it was a catch 22 situation with her family choices – she chose not to have kids – that she was able to rise to the top because of it and that because she didn’t have kids, she wouldn’t understand the struggles of regular Australian women.

Her advice? Always keep in mind our sense of purpose and sense of self. Write it down, and take it out on bad days to remind ourselves, what all these are for.

The theme of the topics this year is how we should fix the system, and not (just) the women.

Decades and decades of conditioning meant that even women ourselves are unconsciously biased against ourselves.

I find myself having the same bias – whether it is assuming I have to be the one taking on a certain task at home, or asking a mum but not a dad, “who’s taking care of your kids?”

I have to catch myself whenever I start having this bias, and yes this is a myth.

It’s not about the husband “helping out” but all about the husband and wife “sharing the load”.

Tiffany Dufu, author of the book “Drop the ball”, shared how she used to want to tick everything off her ‘to do’ list, or how she has “Domestic control disorder” where she’d literally go nuts when things at home dont happen the way she’s planned.

Morbid as it might sound, she asked us, “What do you think your family, your friend, and your coworker would say in your eulogy?”

“Certainly not how good you are at ticking things off your to-do list, right?” She answered her own question to a laughing crowd.

“So, drop the ball. It is ok. Having it all does not mean doing it all.”

πŸ‘πŸ’ͺπŸ‘

It’s a sobering realisation, how sometimes the things we think we are doing for our kids are also the very things that prevent us from spending time with them.

It reminds me of my obsession with pumping, which was the very thing that made me so (pre)occupied and so unhappy.

Or like now, I’m working hard for our future.. but also spending almost a week away from the girls and the hubs.

Things don’t get easier when kids grow out of diapers; in fact it gets harder to strive to be present.

Update from the hubs the minute I touched down.

Love his photo updates!

Managed to say good night to Allie before she turned in for the night.

She was all smiles and calling out, “Mummy!” when she saw me onscreen.

Small wins.

Love wins.

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