To fix or to replace?

Good morning sunshine!

Little samseng wouldn't sit still for her hair to be tied. Yaya only managed to tie up one side of her hair before she sprang up and wanted to walk away. 😅

And then she lay down on her mattress trying to hug as many ducks and bears as possible. 😐

Daddy's going to be at reservist for the next two weeks! He was up at 6 this morning but managed to catch the little one because she was up for milk.

She continued sleeping until 7ish, took my hand and walked me around the house looking for Baba.

I reminded her that Baba is in camp already and she walked me to the book shelf, asked me to carry her so she could look at our photos.

Baba! Mama, take!

She asked me to take one of the photo frames off the shelf so she could hold on to it. 😍

I don't really follow celebrities on facebook; in fact I've never "followed" anyone.

But I liked the pages of 2 Taiwanese celebrities since they became moms – Sonia Sui (隋棠) and 范范 to see updates on their cute kids.

I particularly like 隋棠 and her updates, because she seems so genuine, sharing her day-to-day interactions with her husband or about her son.

She shared an article today in response to a fan's question on how to find someone as perfect as her husband.

Her husband's response when she brought this up to him was, that's only because they see me through your eyes.

In other words, he's not perfect and it's really about accepting who he is and seeing him in that light.

She then shared this short write-up to sum it up.

孫子: 奶奶,為什麼你們那個年代一段感情可以維持60年?
奶奶: 因為在我們那個年代,甚麼東西壞了只會想去修。

但你們這個年代只會想去換。

結論:奶奶雖有年紀了,但一語驚醒現代人。

And she shared her own thoughts on this:
"我本來打算丟掉回收的木頭椅子,又撿回來準備補強一下結構,繼續使用!
不過重點不是修椅子,重點是修關係、修脾氣、修人性、修愛情、修人生、修一輩子… 真是修不完…"

I copied and pasted directly from her Facebook so it's in Traditional Chinese.

The gist of it is that marriages used to last for a long time because when things get damaged, people only think about fixing them.

But today, when things get damaged, we simply get them replaced with something new.

She shared that there are in fact so many things we need to continuously adjust, learn and fix.
Temperament, relationships, love, life..

Food for thought, isn't it?

At what point do you judge it's fixable?
And at what point do you stop trying to fix it?

(Erm not being emo here because hubs is at reservist ok. 😂 I'm commuting home from West to East; too much time to spare = good time to Dayre.)

In other news.

My FIL sent me this picture he took of Clarissa this afternoon.

Yesterday when we told him we are keeping Clarissa at home today and asked him to drop by if he could, he said: "我没有空喔!" (I'm not free!)

Said he had to go view a second hand car.

But he visited afterall, and even brought her out for a walk. 😁

So sweet!
(And I mean the both of them! 😁)

22:29

Dayre-ing in the dark with my bubs sleeping beside me. 💕

She's all bubbly and cheeky this evening. When I got home, the first thing she said was, "Baba!"

And then she took my hand and brought me into her room so I could help her get changed. 😂

When I was about to sit down to have my dinner, she hugged my legs really tightly so I couldn't sit. I had to load my food onto a plate and sit with her at the coffee table.

We were watching tv when she suddenly went off into our room on her own.

I followed her into our room but she frowned and told me "Walk!", pointing at the door.

Hahaha my daughter was asking me to leave the room wtf!

I tried to get closer to her, thinking that perhaps I misunderstood her, but again she pointed at the door and told me to "walk".

And then I realised why.

She pooped.

😂😂😂

Hahahaha she's always on DND and DNT (Do not touch) mode when she poops.

Even better now, got to go to a quiet corner on her own to poop. 😂

Skyped her Daddy and she kept hugging and kissing the computer screen. 😘

Apparently she tried to hug my FIL this afternoon too, but he said, "不要啦!" 😂
Poor girl, got rejected. 😂

Our helper said my FIL was impressed that Clarissa understood all his instructions in Chinese.
But when he tried to say goodbye at the door, she ignored him until our helper said to her, "Clarissa, wear shoes!"
She immediately sprang up, ran to the door and asked her Ah-guem to carry her.

When he said no, she told him to "sit".

Hahahaha erm he was standing at the door leh.
没大没小. 😅

Anyway I asked her if she'd like to sleep in her room tonight or bunk in with me, she smiled shyly and pointed at my nose.
Ok lah ok lah.

She dozed off on her own while I was chatting with the hubs on the phone.

How can someone be so cheeky and so sweet at the same time? #oldwongsellsmelon

It makes me happy writing about her and her little antics.

At least it helps me momentarily forget about the other mind-boggling stuff.. like why some people are so difficult to love, and why some relationships can neither be fixed nor discarded.

My mom.

I'd love to love her, wholeheartedly and unabashedly.. but on some days, like today, it is just so hard.

I always remind myself that she loves us, she has our interests at heart.. but on some days, like today, I can't get a hold on myself.

Toxic is a strong word I'd hate to use.
But the appropriate word is, toxic.

Some days I wonder how she got her world view, that everyone is wrong and only she is right. That everything that seems right, cannot be right.

I know she loves Clarissa. At the same time, I understand why she bailed out of taking care of her. So I have never really blamed her for not taking care of her. In fact I am still thankful that she helped us so much in the first 6 months.

Yet, despite not wanting to take care of Clarissa, she has something to say about everything.
Not going into details here because it's afterall the http://www.. My point is, it's hard.

When Clarissa was hospitalised, she said we shouldn't have sent her to school so soon.

When I sent her a picture of Clarissa in hanbok eating rice, she said, "Why is the rice so dry? The spoon so big?"

Or when I sent her a picture of Clarissa eating happily in school, she asked me, "Why is there no soup?"

All these, I can deal with. I try to.

Sometimes I forget about it and send something to her again, only to get questioned.

Sometimes it gets tiresome and all I feel is a helpless sense of weariness.

I feel tired, because really, when would I finally get it all right? Exactly the way she thinks it should be? Without getting a "eeyer why you do this?" kind of comment?

I'm tired of all the drama she creates, at least once every week or so, and I don't know how to deal with it anymore.

Or perhaps, I don't want to deal with it.

I'm tired and I very, very much want to tell her, "Look, ma, if the universe is at fault, and since you are part of this universe, maybe, just maybe, you are at fault too."

So I kinda snapped today, not an outburst or anything rude, but it was something uncharacteristical of me to say because I'm supposed to be the good submissive daughter who's always seeking her approval.

But today I was also the tired mom and employee who sat through three hours of meetings in the morning, who had to rush to grab lunch before my next meeting, when I got a call from my own disgruntled mom shouting into the phone about something that really wasn't a very big deal.

Sorry, but I'm not sorry.

I reflected on what I said and I think I'd have said the same thing but what keeps me up now is the repercussions of what I said, because she said very nasty things about me and the hubs, behind our backs, and completely missed the point.. as usual.

I feel misunderstood and I feel bad that the hubs has been dragged into this mess, when he's really just.. doing his reservist.

I know this is never going to be resolved properly, because after this drama ends the next drama would begin.

If only it's some nice Korean drama.
But no it's crappy drama you can't even unsubscribe from.

I just hope I feel better and less angry when I wake up tomorrow.

Oh, one thing I'm always grateful to my mom (and dad) for though, is my sisters, all four of them.

(And of course, the hubs who listens to my rants, and my daughter who's been farting nonstop while sleeping. 😂)

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